What do you need to let go of?
It may be a friendship that has ended. Or a
goal that is clearly not coming to fruition.
It may be a 15-year-old pair of jeans that
you swear you’ll fit back into someday. Or
an argument that has reached a stalemate.
Or maybe it is something ongoing that you
don’t have any control over: When someone
will return your call. Or your significant
other’s bad habits that drive you nuts.
Whatever it is that you need to let go of,
the first step is to recognize the need to
move on. We sometimes get so stuck in
pursuing that we don’t stop to ask ourselves
if we really should be pursuing. Ask
yourself:
-
Am I getting a return on my energy spent
pursuing this goal?
-
Are there red flags that this is not going
to happen?
-
Is this something that I really do have
control over?
-
Is this something that may be better
achieved if I stop trying so hard?
Once you recognize the need to let go,
the
secret to doing so is wrapped up in one
word: Acceptance.
If we haven’t accepted something, it keeps
playing over and over in our minds like a
broken record. It’s unfinished business.
This means that if you’ve been obsessing
about something, you have not accepted it.
To accept something does not mean that you
have to like it. In fact, it shouldn’t
because acceptance is a neutral stance. You
don’t love something and you don’t hate it.
You accept it. You can certainly look for
the good in the situation, but you don’t
need to force yourself to be thrilled about
it.
There are typically two key factors that we
need to accept in order to let go:
We naturally resist change and attempt to
control events in our lives, which is why
accepting these two factors is so
challenging.
In order to let go of an old friendship, we
practice the art of acceptance that things
have changed. To move on from being stuck
pursuing a goal that is not going to happen,
we need to accept that the circumstances
have changed.
To deal with someone’s bad habits that drive
us nuts, we need to accept that we cannot
control them. To stop obsessing about when
someone will get back to you, we need to
accept the lack of control.
Interestingly,
when we accept change and the
lack of control, it becomes easy to let go.
AND we find that we start to achieve more of
what we want.
When we haven’t yet let go, we keep
ourselves inextricably tied to that which we
haven’t let go of. This means that we aren’t
moving forward and pursuing other things
that we value.
When, instead, you accept the situation and
CHOOSE to focus on something else of value,
you achieve more of that which you value.
And if you’re trying to control someone
else, you keep them linked to the thing you
want them to stop. For example, a mother
whose son is overweight is tempted to
continuously remind him to eat healthier and
never allows him a sweet snack. What does
the son do? He develops an unhealthy
obsession about his weight or he goes out
and sneaks junk food whenever possible.
As another example, if I obsess about an old
friendship that had changed and is no longer
rewarding, I take away from my current
friendships. When I accept the change, I
free energy up to focus on my other
relationships. So, to summarize, the way to
let go and move on when you are stuck is to:
-
Recognize the need to move on.
-
Accept the situation, especially change
and your lack of control.
-
Choose something of value to focus your time
and energy on.
Think about areas where you’ve been stuck in
your life and business. And ask yourself if
letting go of something can help you not
only get unstuck, but propel yourself ahead
towards something truly important. I think
it will.
About the Author Larina Kase is a business
psychologist and New York Times bestselling
author. She specializes in helping people
focus on and achieve what’s most important.
Learn more about her ideas at
www.TheMindsetofSuccess.com
KEYWORDS
Larina Kase, acceptance, art of
acceptance, accepting change, lack of
control time and energy, letting go, eat
healthier, mindset of success
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